Just typing those words hurts like you wouldn't believe, but I'm going to focus on my memories of these precious three months with the addition to our family, and that I'm very thankful to have my job. I LOVE my job, I love where I teach (5 minutes from our house), I love who I teach (8th graders), I love what I teach (Ancient History), and I love who I teach with (fellow teachers and great principals).
Before kids and marriage, we have this vision of what our life will look like and to be honest, I didn't see myself working and having children, probably because my mom didn't do it. I was soo soo lucky to get to stay home with Anna Cate for 2 and a half years and be the stay-at-mom, but in going back to work, I found that we were all happier as a family. It gave us a routine that I wasn't very good at creating at home; the extra income relieved BJ's stress and that was valuable, plus he is super helpful around the house (he does most of the cooking, for example), so it makes sense for me to work, too, right?; and Anna Cate loved the atmosphere and lessons and fun she gets at Miss Diana's (where Molly will go in August). Molly will be having a personal babysitter here for the week and half in June. Miss Diana does all those things good stay at home moms do. She does crafts, and she teaches manners, and she makes sure they get their naps, and she tells her she loves her, and she teaches her to be strong and witty and cute and tough and kind and a good sport. So really, Anna Cate is getting a good deal...just spending part of her day in another home than ours, but SHE is still in a home. And next year Molly and Anna Cate will be together, which makes me happy because really I think your siblings have as much impact on your childhood as your parents.
So what I'm trying to say is that although, I'm not the stay-at-home mom I always thought I would be, it is OK. I don't mean ok, like it is "fine" in the suck it up and be polite way, but OK like it is a good thing. This is who I am as a mom, and I am happy, my daughter is happy, my husband is happy, so I am telling myself that Molly too will be happy even if her mommy isn't home with her. But it still hurts to leave her, so on Wednesday morning when I leave my little girl for 8 hours, which will be the longest time I've ever been away from her since she started as a speck in my womb a year ago, I will be praying for God's strength and His grace wrapped up as the gift of acceptance.