Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Molly, I hope you have enough







So tomorrow Molly will be three months old, and I am going to reflect a bit on each of the months.

March:

A magical blur! My mom came on March 1st and she left on Anna Cate's birthday March 29th. On the eve of Mom and Dad's leaving Virginia, Daddy said to me, "Man I bet March is a blur for you!"

I'm so thankful to have had my parents experience this joyous arrival (and adjustment) with our family. Some of what I remember about March is:

-the sound of Molly's cry when she first came out and how I thought "wow, she is as pretty as Anna Cate"
-the special times in the hospital with Mom, Anna Cate and BJ (and other visitors who came)
-the way my church family delivered meals for the entire month
-skyping with Anna Cate daily as she went home with my parents for almost two weeks as I healed.
-holding Molly and nursing her all the time. I'm so lucky I got the time to just rest and hold and nurse this breath of heaven
-giving Anna Cate four birthday celebrations since she was 4, and not wanting a baby sister to diminish from the day I celebrate her arrival.
-the day we brought Molly home from the hospital and Anna Cate met us in the doorway saying, "MOLLY IS HERE!!! MOLLY IS HERE!!!"


April:

KICKED MY TAIL!!! Being a mommy of two kids is hard. Anna Cate threw fits regularly and was on the verge of a rage at any given moment. I told BJ one night at dinner, "Entertaining one and Feeding the other one" is getting the best of me. But on April 24th, my dear sweet Anna Cate came back. She crawled up in my bed one Saturday morning, and said to me "I'm not going to throw anymore fits" and she hasn't (like those). Anna Cate continued to go the Miss Diana's on M-W-F so Molly and I got some great cuddle time on those days and we slept and nursed a lot. I have hardly any pictures of the month, by the way!

May:

It was dreamy! Molly smiles and giggles, Anna Cate accepts and loves! I got my groove back. I went to the gym, I played with Anna Cate and continued to love on Molly and enjoy this baby.

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In conclusion, my dear sweet Molly, what I'll remember about this time with you is how much I love you, and how quickly you are now a part of who I am. I will also savor the memories of how you and Anna Cate became sisters, and of my time with both of you.

I'm so thankful that I truly was able to savor the moments, breath you in, basque in the glory that is you. And many of those moments for me happen when I breastfeed you. Nursing you is a piece of zen that I will treasure, and we had these months to get it right. As I held you and you nursed, I was strengthened by you -- while clasping my hand, resting your hand on my chest, and calming at the smell of my body all as if to say trustingly, "YOU are who will fill me up." I will remember taking a zillion fenugreek tablets, and drinking a pot of "Mother's Milk tea" daily and giving up caffeine because I read that hurts your milks supply, and eating oatmeal every morning because it helps. I did this all so that I can give you enough of my milk. I hope that as long as I'm your mother, I'll be willing to do what it takes so that I can give you enough...enough love, enough security, enough motivation, and fulfillment. And while we are on the liquid analogies: having two precious little girls and a wonderful husband as their father leads me to say..... my cup runneth over. This is the family I dreamed about, and I only hope I show my gratitude for these gifts by earning the role of your Mommy.

1 comment:

Anne Horner said...

Well, Sarah, your Aunt has tears in her eyes after reading another of your so-very-sweet tributes to your darling little girls. I love that you are taking the time to do this and to share your innermost thoughts with those of us who love your dearly.