Essence of Goals, of Existence

This new year brings goal setting, resolution proclamations and it is in this season that I'm reminded of my mediocrity. No, really, it is not self-deprication for the sake of compliments.  I don't have any sweeping goals to achieve or big projects to tackle.  I do think about my priorities and sure, I want to be a better mom, a stronger woman, a more effective teacher, a more giving human being, a more trust-worthy friend. But I don't exactly know how to say "I'm going to do x." So I'm wondering if that is what separates me from smashing success.

Maybe I'm a realist, maybe I'm an underchiever. I prefer to think of it as a place of spiritual contentedness to not have to say things like I'm going to lose 20 pounds or run a faster pace marathon, or never let Anna Cate watch teenager shows or have the best bulletin boards ever or always make my bed becuase here is the deal: I have to trust that my desire to make meaning of what I've been given is in the subtleties of my existence rather than a mountain peak.  I have goals, broad ones. This past week, I just finished a challenge through our gym  It may not sound like a big deal, but it was for me. On day 1 back in November, I did 1 burpee, day 2 I did 2, up until day 60. Overall I did, over 2,000 burpees (if I count all the extra burpees in class).  Anyway, the point of this is that I wouldn't say, I'm going to do so many burpees, but when the challenge appears, I took it, which is my way of goal setting.

So I'm going to renew myself for this first blog about the new year to state some of my goals, in the broad, big-picture way that my right-brain does things.  I want to enjoy and create quality moments with my family, teach my daughters what is important in life, give of myself to others with a heart of service rather than obligation. I want to take care of the body God gave me by making strength, moving  and eating clean food a daily priority.  I am going to trust myself that as challenges arise -- whether it yes to burpees or no to the processed sweets, yes to a day spent outside or at a museum and later on the menial housework, which all means saying no to "me time" some days and YES to "me time" others.
It is a balance.  So, I like to think of myself as balanced challenge seeker rather lazy goal setter. Mediocrity or Balance? Semantics.

January has been filled with quality balance. We celebrated BJ's birthday by making him a cake.

Anna Cate showed Molly about the goodness of licking the bowl.

The finished product,

which he liked.

I love January when BJ has Saturdays off so much!!! We have slipped back into a Friday night winter tradition of making pizzas on Friday evenings.

The girls get to watch a red box movie. BJ caught this moment of Molly trying to be just like her uhh kaate or sissy.

Last weekend, we went to Charlottesville to cheer on some friends from CROSSFIT in these crazy "games."

We went to lunch and enjoyed a children's museum.

At the children's museum, I enjoyed watching them explore and enjoy their surroundings, reminding me about the important things in life.

Modeling your priorities is key as displayed by BJ's propensity to play.

After our crazy week filled with lots of burpees, teaching, church, night time stories, cuddling, conversations big and small, we enjoyed a birthday party with dear friends to celebrate a sweet little boy turning 2.

We are so thankful for friends, our family here in Virginia.

Anna Cate and Maeve were just as happy as if the party were a play date.

Or a concert.

There are times in my life when I think about conversations I had or witnessed that didn't seem so poignant at the time, but have been defining words. Like when my Dad dropped me off to college and gave me this piece of priceless advice: Friends don't have to be your own age. That is the single best piece of advice I have ever received.

Well, one such conversation was when BJ's mother was dying and she said to him, "please promise me you'll stay close to the Hauns after I die." It would make her so happy to see these connections and these sweet faces in our lives. It makes me happy, too.  

Like the goals or the challenges, the things or friendships in life that are important take care of themself when there is this underlying committment to what is important.  Anna Cate reminds me every time I drop or loose something, "people are important; stuff isn't," a proverb she learned from my mom.  

So often these girls say or do things that overhwelm me with gratitude, awe me with praise or simply crack me up!!!  Anna Cate is such a fabulous big sister, evidenced by preparing this tea party for Molly. 

Tonight, she said, "I'm so glad I had a sister that you made."

Molly's vignettes aren't always as kind but just as endearing. When you ask her whose girl she is, she says, "Molly's girl."  Sister knows how to be in charge of #1.  When she professes her love with a big "I LOVVEEE you," the ear-piercing scream pales in comparison to her precious little soul we are encountering deeper with her developing vocabulary.

So there is not always a clean ending, a hard fast goal. Yet, the ebb and flow of life, the ways we weave our priorities of family and friends into the daily routines buids the foundation of this big ole life I feel so lucky to have. A hug from my daughters, an aha moment from a student, an overall exhaustion from a great work out, a clean breath knowing I'm doing all I can for my body, a knowing smile from my best friend and the father of my children, the laughter or sigh with a is all in what my goals are in this life -- meaning.  I wish I was a goal setter that I could achieve it all with more precision, but I'm not going to say I'm falling short of achievement because I'm finding meaning. I 'm grounded in my priorities with all that challenges me to be a better me, even if that me isn't into clear goals.  

The beauty of this season, this time of the year and of my life, is in the details as well as the overall landscape. 

To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there.


Anonymous said…
Beautiful and so insightful.