My whole life I've struggled with guilt. Among other things, I feel guilty for not being productive enough, but I think I'm turning the corner on that. Maybe it was because I had such a bad school year, where I missed moments with Molly, detested teaching like never before or maybe I'm just growing up and figuring it out, BUT I've decided my days need to be filled with being this summer. This week has been a fabulous start to being with my girls, with being a Mom.
On a similar note, I decided to get off Facebook for the week for several reasons. Not surprisingly, I wasted too much time on it, but mostly because I realized I was interacting with people based on the fact that they too visited this website. I was not in control of whom I was talking to, facebook was. And in getting off, I've noticed a huge uptake in getting more things done...or in spending more time being. I do wonder how the heck anyone will know to read my blog so I might come back just on the weekend, but I have to find peace in the fact that I write to write, not to be read. Separate myself from the results, enjoy the process. So I hope to send more emails, more texts or more calls to people with whom I want to interact. I'm disconnecting from this snippets of reality and shallow connections to relate more fully with these genuine relationships, which include relating to my children, to my home, my husband and my self.
Both girls have had coughs so I took them both to the doctor, the first time we've done a double check-up.
Unfortunately, they both had strep throat, and Molly had bronchitis and an ear infection. So instead of days at the pool, we've filled our time differently.
On Tuesday, I set up a spa in our bathroom for Anna Cate.
It was so fun, and so easy. Some fresh blueberries and grapes to snack on, along with cucumbers (from our garden) to put on her eyes mixed a Pandora station entitled "spa music" set the tone.
She giggled and was so happy. She said, "you are the best, Mommy. I think you are as good a Mommy as Norah." Which is a HUGE compliment because AC not-so-secretly wishes Norah were her Mommy, and I don't blame her. Norah is great at everything, including being a Mom.
After her mani and pedi, I let her give me a massage while I had the cucumbers on my face. Then, by the time Molly woke up I was cooking dinner and Anna Cate painted her hands and toes. All the red looked like a crime scene! Anna Cate was so upset to not have done it perfect but I reminded her....THIS IS THE FIRST time you've ever done this. You did great.
On Wednesday, we hosted our friend Erin for lunch. Anna Cate found a recipe/picture in the newspaper of a fruit salad and prepared it while I prepeared a salad. She also set the table all by herself, including putting on the table cloth, finding a vase and cutting a flower arrangement.
In addition to being our friend, Erin is the children's minister at our church....and she has a baby in her belly button according to Molly Mae.
We LOVE you, Miss Erin!!!!
So one of the reasons this school year was hard for me personally is I felt like I was missing out on Molly. I have always felt so connected to Anna Cate. I stayed home with her for the first 2 and a half years of her life and by the time she went to Miss Diana's, she was so verbal that I heard all about her day. Last year as I dropped my baby off, I knew I would get snippets of her day through Anna Cate's tales and I knew that Molly would have a piece of me with Anna Cate there. But lately I've felt like Molly is a bit like a novelty to me. She is so independent and I feel like there is so much about her I don't know. With all that said, Molly and I had a really special week together. She was very clingy and wanted to snuggle with me every night as she pleaded to "sweep with you." When I would bring her to my bed to snuggle, she would lay on me and cover me with kisses and say, "I love you" no less than 20 times before she finally drifted to sleep. It is as if she has indicated to me that she has missed me, too.
Her need to cuddle with me has given me a great excuse to get extra sleep, going to bed early and enjoying afternoon naps. I'm really getting better at the let-go on productivity. Anna Cate and I have enjoyed naps together as well.
I love my sleeping beauties so much. Not only are they not messing anything up, but they are just so precious. They are fun when they move too. I took the girls to Mommy-and-me Pitaiyo.
I've worked out, slept and played. A new appreciation of productivity, a comfortable place being with myself and my children.
|“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.”|