Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Wanting to be the Woman

I want to be the woman I'm trying to raise my girls to be....

Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.  – David Bly


A little story....

My dear friend (sister from another mother) Yvette creates fabulous wardrobes for her daughters, and this past summer she sent Anna Cate several boxes of her eldest daughter's hand-me-down clothes. 
 IMG_4914.jpg
We've enjoyed them tremendously. From bathing suits to cardigans, jeans to scarves, dresses to flouncy tops Anna Cate has enjoyed the touch of style her Aunt Yvette has.  
 IMG_4935.jpg IMG_4977.jpg
Like their Mamas, Yvette and me, Peighton and Anna Cate are built differently so not everything  from Peighton fits the way it did on her.  Last week, as we were getting ready for a few people to come over to watch  Super Bowl, Anna Cate wanted to wear some of Peighton's jeans,  and when they didn't zip, and Anna Cate burst into tears, buried her head in her hands, turned away from me and exclaimed, "I'm fat." My heart was completely ripped out. 
 IMG_0199_zpsea5e9223.jpg
DAMNIT!!!!  How did this happen? I thought I've controlled her environment, focused on health. Personally, I think I've grown so much in my own issues. Well I still really want liposuction but haven't I been careful not to mention it in front of her?! I try to not say derogatory things about my body around Anna Cate or Molly. As I watched my precious child cry, I held her I kept thinking,  "How in the world did my healthy and beautiful little girl get that bullshit memo from society that a flat stomach equals worthiness?" 

I told her that she is beautiful, that there are plenty of things great for her to wear,  that not everyone is built the same.  I asked if anyone has ever called her a name, and she said, "No." I said, "do you think Mommy is Fat? because I can't wear jeans like that!?"  She said no, and I agreed even though I know I was lying to her a little, well maybe a lot. I've spent years in either figurative or literal fits over the fact that my belly isn't flat. This encounter with Anna Cate was a perspective-changing moment for me and probably not for her.  We picked out a cute dress (from Aunt Yvette), and I think she's ok. 


We enjoyed our friends


 and getting to cuddle little baby Davis.
 IMG_0182_zpsaf611fb4.jpg IMG_0177_zps45493455.jpg

But before our friends arrived, I walked into our bedroom to get ready myself and said to  BJ, "well, you can scratch my idea of us saving up for me to get a tummy tuck, because I'm not.  That would make me a hypocrite. I just told Anna Cate to accept her beautiful body; what type of example does that set if I try to get myself a flat stomach under a knife?" 

I'm doing the best I can in loving Anna Cate and Molly into the same amount of confidence in them I wish I had in myself, I realize the truth in the words of the song, "God's not finished with me yet."  So we do what I know is true and good -- healthy eating, moving, and trying to model the type of acceptance I want them to feel.

 547450DA-7467-4EE8-AC3F-16E9A2A6C6F6-248-00000012281ECBC8_zps457220c4.jpg
Molly is eating grilled Romaine above, and the girls enjoy a healthy dinner below.  This is in between a crossfit workout and swim practice for Anna Cate, yesterday.
 IMG_0201_zps67e452ed.jpg IMG_0200_zps5e044477.jpg

One hidden message I've had to reconcile is this perception that if you eat right and work out, you'll look like Barbie.  Well, that's not true and more than anything, I want my children to value their health.  I wish that they could see their bodies for the beautiful expressions of perfection I see.  Sometimes I wonder if my creator wishes the same for me.

There are old heads in the world who cannot help me by their example or advice to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself; but I believe that it is in my power to elevate myself this very hour above the common level of my life.  Henry David Thoreau 


In other, less life-analyzing existential encounters, we are enjoying the season of Love. 


This week Anna Cate has come home with daily Valentines. IMG_0202_zps67b827fe.jpg


At Miss Diana's Molly has enjoyed celebrating the Chinese New year, Mardi Gras and dental health awareness.
 820FAC8F-2C94-433B-B658-6A4A2A22FF56-1384-0000015C234B1C02_zpsb0c9a714.jpg
This is the year of the snake...
 6EDF0C79-DA58-491B-8EBF-D64605A959A7-1384-0000015C248B36AF_zps2fe2d4c0.jpg F1010D1E-D1F2-4ABB-8E52-8519F04ADB52-1384-0000015C2DAE558C_zps06924687.jpg
In celebrating Chinese New Year, Miss Diana gave the kids some chop stick and some take-home calendars.
 B6ABD968-9844-4FBF-862D-340F71AD5AC3-1384-0000015C23B7B8EB_zps8c224e2f.jpg
According to this little placemat, if you are born in 2010 like our dear Molly Mae, you are TIGER. Yet, this information just flat ticks Molly off.  She insists with fury, I am NOT A TIGER. I'm a HORSE! 

At least the pancakes on Fat Tuesday are not as controversial. 

 0F2B95D9-5E50-4F87-8111-78F83B894BDF-1384-0000015C2813D64A_zps5f7f43ce.jpg

Anna Cate had a sleep over at her bff's Leana's and we enjoyed a quiet Saturday morning with Molly where she helped make French Toast.  She was so proud.
 IMG_0193_zps8bd3af99.jpg

And, this week marks our year anniversary with Miss Rosebud Rosalina, aka Rosie.


Molly hugs her every morning, Anna Cate adores her, she loves BJ so much she sleeps in his laundry basket so she can smell him.  Even though she's not very well trained, makes a fool of me when I try to take her on a walk and would destroy our house in a New York minute if we left her home alone out of her crate, she does sort of complete our family. We love you, Rosie girl.

 IMG_0196_zps62d9f32f.jpg


The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. --Rabindranath Tagore

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful blog, my dear Sarah!!! It seems I have had the same struggles as you, and now Anna Cate having expressed last week about her self image. Unlike you, I have not done much about mine like exercising and healthy eating. I admire you mightily, Sarah, as you are so very health oriented for you and your precious family. My heart hurts for Anna Cate as her beauty is astonishing, both surface and profoundly deep.
Thank you for taking the time to write your blogs. They mean more to me than my words can express. Margaretta told me yesterday that after she reads a blog of yours, she feels better.
I LOVE YOU, MOM