Accept, Let Go and Have Faith

Since I've been 9 years old, working out has been a major part of my life and oddly (or not-so-oddly) so has a struggle with weight and body image.  I've run over 10 half marathons, done hundreds of aerobic classes and many kinds of group exercise classes. I've worked out to VHS and youtube, run on treadmills, moved on elliptical machines, biked thousands of miles in the summers of my youth on RAGBRAIs, gone to yoga classes and tried to do it at home, and spent many hours in the past two years at a crossfit gym (box). In fact, crossfit became a major part of my life, introducing me to a different way to think of fitness and a community which motivated me almost as much as the endorphins. But over time and for several reasons, the benefits of going didn't outweigh the hassle and toll on my family, so I canceled my membership.  I've enjoyed so much less stress on our family life as well as satisfactory work outs on my own, either at a regular gym or in my drive way. This extra time has opened up so much time for family and other priorities. Yesterday, I ran 3 miles in between school and picking Anna Cate up off the bus (40 minutes total time) and then took dinner with the girls to a friend recovering from surgery.  Today I spent my afternoon shuttling Anna Cate to Girl Scouts and swim practice, and because Molly didn't want to go to the gym with her cast, I did a 16 minute workout this afternoon while Molly ate a popsicle -- Tabata sprints, kettle bell swings, squats and sit-ups.  It isn't the same as crossfit but much more suitable to our family life. Also, thanks to my friend Cassie, I've discovered hot yoga, which has been healing and challenging.  

I hoped that I could continue to "drop in" to where I used to crossfit so I could find the connection with the people whose community I appreciate and enjoy the weird rush of getting weight over my head only to drop it, but that's not possible.  It has hurt my feelings and made me feel shunned, but yesterday I saw this quote which I think embodies the lesson I need to learn. And finally, I've received peace.

Only when I accept what is and let go of what was can I open my mind and my heart to what the next step of my fitness journey will offer.  I learned so much from crossfit:  the value of burpees, cheering for others, the joy in strength, the fun in creating my own wods "workouts of the day" as well as some real friendships.   

I will keep so much with me on my journey, but I need to let go of what was, and open myself up for what's next.  I think it might be yoga for this stage in my life.  My heart and soul needs yoga as much as my body. 


So, I'm taking this acceptance lesson to apply to something related: my body. In yoga, you set an intention for your practice, so this month I'm devoting my yoga practice every day to acceptance. I seek to accept my body, accept that I don't have a flat stomach, let go of the egotistical fear that others can't tell I work out. So for the month of April, I'm going to do 18 sun salutations an evening and set my intention on acceptance.  18 is for the fact that I weigh 180 pounds and am embarrassed by that number. Why? My body has done amazing things for me. . .why should I be ashamed of it? Hopefully by acceptance and publishing the weight here on this blog, I can let go.

 

Daily I'm going to light a candle, listen to some funky, calming music and do these sun salutations. I hope it will remind myself to embrace gratitude for home and family, that which I chose over crossfit, and seek acceptance.

Maybe by the end of this personal challenge, I'll believe this.