Oh, Advent. . . I meant to get these letters to you in its season but I can imagine that you are reading well into Christmas. Yet I invite you to reflect with me on these gifts of hope, peace, joy and love in all seasons as I reflect on our 2021-2022 since I haven’t written a letter since 2020!
Last Christmas morning, Molly and Anna Cate’s big gift was one so big (and expensive) it meant the whole family went in on it -- it was from us, my parents and their Aunt Becki and Uncle Doug: a trip to Disney World with Aunt Becki, Kitty and Tallulah in May. When Molly and Anna Cate realized that’s what the wristband meant, Molly was flooded with tears of excitement. My brother said, “Molly crying was the moment of Christmas!” As I sit to compose a family letter about the season of advent, I’m reminded of the utter joy in Molly’s expression of anticipation (hope) for that trip. It also brought my Dad a lot of peace to know that while he was giving the gift, he didn’t have to actually go! Me, too!
In 2021, Anna Cate decided to come to school with me in another county, starting her sophomore year off as a new kid…again. In March of ’22, she turned 16, and she said the highlight of this year was viewing the Duomo in Florence as its magnificent beauty represented her reward (joy) after so many challenges. She overcame her nerves and took my advice that feeling awkward doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong -- she played basketball, took challenging classes and it was with her AP European History teacher that she got to take a trip to Lucerne, Switzerland, and Italy (Venice, Como, Assisi, Florence, Bologna & Rome - I got to go as a chaperone). In her junior year she joined the athletic training program as a manager with the football team under another teacher (the sports trainer), and while some call them “water girls,” it is more than that -- a lot of work at practices, including 4am in the summer. She wants to focus on sports-athletic training for college/career. Most days she gets up before school to work out with Peloton and she has figured out that movement is key to mental and physical health. During the summers, she is a lifeguard and recreation counselor at a church camp. The challenges she’s overcome in all kinds of ways give me peace about her next steps -- while most rewards won’t be as amazing as a moonlit sighting of Florence’s Duomo, I have hope for her future because she has learned the importance of “it is ok to be uncomfortable!” Personally, the best part of her going to school an hour away is we get some quality visiting time on the car rides!
Molly is in 7th grade what I love most about her is her quick wit with a spirit “beyond her years.” She plays three sports and her Dad is a wonderful team Dad always offers a ride, his time to volunteer, and good cheer to be involved. She plays catcher and first basemen in softball, setter in volleyball, and a couple positions in basketball, mostly the one who will not let go of a rebound if she can. A few months ago she said, “You know I’ve learned that in order to get playing time, the most important thing is to have a good attitude and to cheer for your teammates.” Yes -- and it helps that she did not inherit my lack of coordination and is athletic! She has just recently broken her ankle but has not let it slow her down, and is just telling herself that it could be 4 months and not just 4 weeks in a boot. This Fall she was nominated by her class to be represented on the Homecoming Court, and was escorted by one of her best friends Eli. Her favorite friends include two Moms of Anna Cate’s friends she visited with during high school basketball games. They came to her birthday dinner and we all went to Lizzo for her first concert! Her best friend is her cousin Kitty and their bond is fun to watch. In addition to the amazing Disney trip, Aunt Becki included Molly on a trip to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin to celebrate her grandfather’s 95th birthday. And, Molly brought Kitty with us to the beach this summer.
In 2021, we loved going out west to experience the beauty of New Mexico and Colorado, but we revisited a familiar vacation spot in ’22 at Topsail Island, North Carolina. I couldn’t help but think about the last time I was there, it was a vacation in our “other life.” Often I think about my life in two ways -- before and after BJ’s Parkinson’s diagnosis and our subsequent move to Centerville. This Fall we met BJ’s family for Thanksgiving in Arkansas at the site of Heifer International. It felt a little like “yogaville” for people who eat meat.
BJ has had this disease that changed our life for 8 years and he consistently makes the most of his time being an amazing stay-at-home Dad, home-maker and community volunteer -- he weekly delivers “meals on wheels” to shut-ins, oversees the community garden at our small Methodist church in the country, and helps out where he sees a need. He enjoys hunting and fishing, and his best buddy is my niece Tallulah, and watching their relationship is a glimpse of what this life has given us! He came to visit my AP Psychology classes during our unit on the nervous system and even I was surprised when I saw the severity of his tremor after he turned his stimulator off and on. It was a great reminder for me to be grateful for his medical care and surgeries!
As for me, I get sad that I’m not the active mom and homemaker I thought I would be as I spend 2 hours a day on the road and pour myself into teaching because it is so rewarding. There is a lot about rural America that is disheartening for me so I sometimes get in a funk! Recently I shared with the girls that it is hard to not be the Mom I wish I would be, and both girls said “it is not like we don’t have a homemaker -- we have Dad!” True.
At this stage of parenting, I imagine myself as a vessel. Or in the words of Saint Francis -- an instrument. In March, it was a spiritual experience to walk, contemplate and pray in Assisi as I remembered his beautiful prayer. This quest for peace is what I most seek to pass down to my daughters. I used to be so interested in national politics but the political divisiveness weighs too heavy on my heart so I choose to embrace the study of history and spirituality from a non-dualistic perspective -- nothing is black and white; not all good or all bad. We dehumanize each other and history when we put people or stories in boxes. I love my job teaching both US History and AP Psychology classes in a phenomenal school, and my time in the car with Anna Cate is such a treat! I exercise regularly although not as intensely as I used to, and I practice and teach yoga -- it helps me maintain peace.
My parents and brother’s family live within walking distance and we all get the chance to experience life in things that don’t fit into a box of how I imagined them…. Maybe sort of like the manger. We have family, a backyard full of animals, and Anna Cate and Molly are learning in real time all the ways we choose to find hope, joy, and love in our life as we use gratitude to sustain peace. This wasn’t the life I had planned for us, but there is so much to love about it. Maybe like a teenage Mom who had a baby in a stable -- the story is so beautiful, even if not fancy and glamorous! So let’s keep the spirit of Advent in our hearts long past the opening of the gifts.
Last year Molly said, “I just didn’t think we were the type of people who ever got to go to Disney.” Well, there she is! And here we are just trying to find the themes of Advent throughout our life and hoping to share them with others. We send you wishes for joy, peace, love, and joy this season and the upcoming year!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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